Road Trip
by AquaSkye16
Summary: Modern. R&R. The Sand Siblings. Shikamaru Nara. One van. Clogged toilets. Cheeseburgers. Porn...not really. Utter chaos. ShikaTema
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Author's Note: The first modern fic I started working on. Yeah, yeah. Don't flame me just because you don't like these kinds of stories! I think they're fun if you write them well…the Sand Siblings…act like siblings. Also…Shika/Tema all the way!

I had sugar today.

Also, don't mind that this says, "Prologue." It's a prologue. Just not the sort of prologue you're used to. I'll be starting another modern fic soon, too. It's Hina/Naru. Look for it.

_**Road Trip**_

Prologue

_The tall, dark haired man drew his bag up the sidewalk as the rain pattered on the concrete. His shoes scattered raindrops everywhere as he ran toward the bus stop._

_His blonde lover cried out, running after him, tears streaming down her face._

_"Stop!" she pleaded, catching his hand. "Stop, please…I…" she slowed._

_"I love you." _

"What sort of sappy crap is this?"

"Don't read it if you don't like it," her brother answered.

"I can't believe you read this stuff, Kankuro!" Temari said with annoyance, holding the book high in the air. "It's so girly of you."

"_It's not mine!_" he cried, blushing.

"It was under the driver's seat. Temari doesn't drive and I don't have a license," the youngest, Gaara, said dully from where he sat in the back, turning the pages of a math textbook.

"You're not _helping_, Gaara…" Kankuro muttered.

"Gaara, tell your idiot brother to stop reading this sissy stuff," Temari said, chucking the book at Kankuro's head. It landed with a satisfying thump and a cry of anger.

"Do you want me to crash this car, _Temari_?!"

"I cannot control the amount of porn my older brother reads," Gaara said, closing his eyes.

"_It's not porn!_"

"May I remind you about page 56?" Temari asked, smiling devilishly as she indicated the book on the floor. Her brother blushed redder.

"It's not mine," he said weakly.

"It has your name in the front," Gaara remarked.

"You're not _helping_!"

"…idiot…"

The three siblings? Different as could be.

Temari, the oldest, attends an all girl's school. Gaara, the youngest, attends a prestigious private school.

Kankuro? Ah, well. You've got winners and losers. He attends the local public school.

And who thought that taking a nice family vacation would bring the family closer?

The father.

Who didn't come on the trip himself.

Temari thought that he just wanted the kids out of the house so he could invite some prostitute in.

Kankuro thought that he just wanted the kids out of the house so he could go on a trip to the tropics himself and didn't have to be packed in a stuffy car.

Gaara knows that after he learned that it was a road trip and Kankuro was driving, he made up an excuse about work to avoid any legal issues.

And who does the father invite along to take his place?

"My friend's son. He's Gaara's age, I believe."

"This sucks," Temari said. "And here I thought that I could bully Kankuro in peace."

"What sort of guy is this 'friend's son', anyway?"

"Maybe he's like Gaara and they can make a mental connection," Temari suggested.

"You missed the stop," Gaara said.

"I didn't! It's the next block," Kankuro said.

"It was five blocks ago," Gaara replied.

"_Whaat_?"

"Gaara's always right, you know," Temari interrupted.

"_Don't rub it in_!"

"Hn…" Shikamaru Nara tapped his foot impatiently. What did his dad say? A blue van? Or a green one? Ah…too troublesome. Too many blue and green vans.

It was troublesome enough already. Having to give up his summer vacation in which he could have watched as many clouds as he wanted, to go on a _car ride._ With _strangers._ All because his dad was bribed by some coworker, or something like that.

_Green? Or blue? Light blue, or dark blue? Ah. White. He could have said white, too…maybe it wasn't even a van. A sports car? Maybe he said pickup truck…_

"Is that the guy?"

"That guy's blond. Dad said it was a black haired guy."

"A black haired person, tall for his age. Like me, fifteen years old. Hair tied over his head, half-closed eyes."

"Gaara has a photographic memory…" Kankuro said in wonder.

"Father also said he was ugly." Gaara finished, putting his book away.

"Yeah, like Dad is the expert in that area! Laughable!" Temari snickered. "At least I got his good genes."

"You got his _bad _genes…I got his good genes," Kankuro said.

"_Hah!_ You are the ugliest person on earth!" Temari yelled, pointing.

"Well, the reason you've never had a boyfriend before is because you're so ugly!"

"_You've _never had a girlfriend before!"

"_I'm_ younger!"

"_One_ year! _Big difference!_"

"_You—_"

"I believe that's him." Gaara pointed. Temari and Kankuro stared. "The hair. The eyes. Tall. I'm not one to say if he's good looking."

"…it's scary how Gaara _does_ that…" Temari mumbled.

"Hi. I'm Temari. Call me 'Temari-sama.'" The girl looked Shikamaru up and down. "You're…sort of a dud, aren't you?"

"Hn…"

"I am Gaara." Gaara glanced in the general direction of the boy, then sat down in the back and began to stare in the direction of a little girl on the street, causing her to cry in terror and run away.

"I'm Kankuro, the good looking brother of this ugly hag," Kankuro said.

"_No way!_ _I'm_ the good looking one!" Temari protested. "Hey, you! Deer-kun guy! Which of us is the better looking one?"

Shikamaru eyed them both.

"…you're both ugly."

There is no need to tell you the violence that followed.

Gaara sighed. It was going to be a long vacation.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Author's Note: Here it is…the second chapter. Enjoy it.

_**Road Trip**_

Chapter One

"I want that one!"

"This?" Shikamaru tapped his foot, considering. "Nah."

"_What the hell?!_" Temari whacked him over the head with her fist. "When I say I want a yogurt, you're supposed to get it! That's not how you treat a lady!"

"Lady, _right…_" Shikamaru sighed. "You know, that actually looks like sludge when you open the carton and tastes worse. We should get this brand."

"This one's on sale," Temari protested.

"It tastes bad, that's why it's on sale."

"Idiot." Temari plucked one from the shelf and dropped it in the basket.

"I take it that one's yours."

"Yeah, and when it tastes delicious, I won't let you have any!"

"How immature." This earned him another whack over the head.

"Who the hell decided that we should go shop together?" Temari kicked his leg savagely, lacking anything else to kick. Shikamaru winced.

"Your brother. The weird one, not the scary one."

"Kankuro's gonna _pay up._"

"…hn…" Shikamaru picked up the basket and began to walk away.

"_Where are you going?_"

"To _pay for this_, troublesome woman!"

"You're back. What did you get me?" Kankuro asked enthusiastically, leaning out of the window. Temari smacked his face with a fist of iron.

"A knuckle sandwich, _idiot._"

"Hm…" Gaara looked up as Shikamaru sat down and handed him a yogurt. "I like this brand."

"Yeah, you're happy, you're all buds." Temari snatched her yogurt from Shikamaru and ripped open the top and stuck a bite in her mouth.

"It looks like dung," Kankuro said. "Or mud."

"Does it taste like it?" Shikamaru asked.

Temari stopped. She quivered. Then she gripped the container with the strength of forty men and smashed it in Shikamaru's face.

"…ouch," Gaara commented from the back.

"_Stupid, troublesome woman!_ If you hadn't gone and stuck your yogurt in my face, we wouldn't have had to stop," Shikamaru said angrily, rubbing yogurt out of his hair.

"Well, I had to go to the bathroom, too." Temari stuck her tongue out and walked into the bathroom.

"Troublesome…" Shikamaru looked at the mirror and tried to wipe some more of the disgusting sludge out of his ear.

"**_EEEEEEWWWWW!!!_**"

"Huh?" Shikamaru looked up, startled.

"**_DEER BOY, GET IN HERE!_**"

"_I'M NOT GOING IN THE LADIES BATHROOM!_"

"**_YES, YOU ARE, OR I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!_**"

Shikamaru hesitated. He considered. He sighed, put his hands in his pockets, and stalked over to the ladies' bathroom. Temari ran up, kicked him in the shin, then pulled him by the ear toward the toilet. She pointed. Shikamaru stared.

"The toilet's clogged. Fix it."

"_What the heck?_"

"Are you deaf? _Fix it_."

"Look…" Shikamaru sighed again. "That'd be different if there was a _plunger._ What do you want me to do? Dig it out with my hands?"

"Yes," Temari said honestly.

"…"

"What do you expect me to do? All these toilets are clogged. I am _not_ using a _man's urinal._"

"There are toilets," Shikamaru pointed out.

"_Look, deer dude!_ I am _not_ going into a bathroom of the _opposite sex._ That's why they have different bathrooms!"

"There are unisex bathrooms, and they sometimes have urinals," Shikamaru pointed out. "And I'm in the ladies' bathroom."

"That's because you're a pervert." Temari retorted.

"_I'm not a pervert, troublesome woman! You asked me to come inside here!_"

"Nyah-nyah, pervert!"

"_Stop that!_"

"What sort of idiot are you? Using a MOP to unclog a TOILET. That's disgusting."

"There was nothing else to unclog it with. And I also did it for _you_ because you refused to go to the bathroom in the presence of a _urinal_."

"Ah…did the bathroom trip go well?" Kankuro asked, sweatdropping.

"**_NO!_**"

"I'm _staarving_…Kankuro-chan, can you go any faster?" Temari whined.

"And break the law?"

"You would only have to spend at most a couple of years in jail," Temari said.

"No."

"It's only six, Temari," Gaara said dully.

"I'm _hungry_."

"What's this?" Shikamaru asked, pulling something out from under the driver's seat. Kankuro blushed red.

"_Don't look!_"

"Ah…my dad has this porn."

"_It's not porn!_"

"Let's see…we'll have two cheeseburgers, one deluxe burger, and one chicken salad," Kankuro said, checking everyone's order. "Ah…two Coca Colas and two Sprites."

"Thank you for coming to Happy Burger!" the worker waved vigorously as the van drove off.

"Fast food, Kankuro-chan? That's unhealthy, and it makes you fat," Temari said, starting to eat her salad.

"That chicken you're eating probably isn't organic. It probably spent it's whole life locked up in a cage, receiving little sunlight and being fed a lot of food and water to make it plump and juicy, and at the end of its miserable life had its head chopped off, then had its body chopped into many pieces to be prepared for your salad," Gaara said. "The lettuce was probably stolen from a poor farmer, with little money to feed his wife and children, to the point in which is wife abandoned him for another man, taking the younger child, and his older murdered him and took all his possessions, and left the farm which was stripped of all its vegetables." He sipped his Sprite.

"You really know how to ruin a meal, don't you…" Temari muttered.

"Well, I understand what you're saying…" Shikamaru said. "You wouldn't want to eat a cheeseburger and gain more weight…after all, there's a limit to how much this van can take…"

"Do you want to die?" Gaara asked.

"Dude…you're _too_ honest," Kankuro said.

Temari cracked her knuckles. "What do you mean by '_there's a limit to how much this van can take?_' AND '_you're TOO HONEST?_'"

"Temari…" Gaara sighed. "Kankuro is in the middle of traffic. I think this can wait."

"I can use deer dude for a punching bag, in the meanwhile."

Shikamaru swallowed.

"_Two_ rooms." Temari smacked her hand on the counter. "I am not sleeping with those _two idiots._ Gaara I can tolerate. He can sleep in my room."

"You must feel the love," Kankuro said, glaring at Gaara. He stood unfazed.

"That depends," the red haired teen replied.

"Also, deer boy here pays," the lovable sister added.

"Oh, _nooo_," Shikamaru said. "I'll pay half the cost of my room if I share. I am _not_ paying for _all of you_."

"You called me _fat! _And _ugly!_"

"You shoved a yogurt in my face, which by the way _looks and tastes like mud_, and then forced me to enter a ladies' bathroom and _unclog a toilet with a MOP!_"

The clerk sweatdropped.

"Do you put up with this every day?" she asked Gaara.

"Only on special occasions."


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Author's Note: Here's the third chapter…I'll need to brainstorm sometime soon…

Whee! I have officially decided to separate scenes…yeah…someone suggested it…I hope it will make the story clearer. Woot.

_**Road Trip**_

Chapter Two

_Pick-up-the-phone! Pick-up-the-phone! Pick-up-the-phone NOW, NARA SHIKAMARU!_

"That's an interesting ringtone, dude," Kankuro commented.

"My mom recorded it and set it as the ringtone to my phone with her favorite music," Shikamaru said, sighing. "Who is it?"

_Shikamaru! How are you doing?_

"Who is this?"

_Don't you recognize your own father's voice?_

"Dad?"

_Yep._

"…you sold me. I am now riding in a van with a bunch of lunatics. When I get back I will be mentally unstable…what a great parent you are."

_Ah, okay. Anyway…_

_**DUNADUNADUNA-DUH-DUH-DUUUUUHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DUNADUNADU—**_

"_What in the heck is that racket?!_" Shikamaru yelled.

"It's Temari's ringtone. It's her favorite song," Gaara answered.

"…figures…" Shikamaru returned to his call as Temari picked up her phone.

"Who is this?" she asked.

_Temari. You haven't killed the boy yet, right?_

"I want to…_dad_."

_…_

"What is it?" Shikamaru asked irritably.

_So, Shikamaru, I suppose we went through some static…anyway, I want you to bond with your…van…mates! Yes! Your van-mates! This is a time of friendship and bonding and love that could last forever!_

"_Never_," Shikamaru said, horrified.

_Be a good boy! Get along with everyone!_

"_Impossible,_" Shikamaru said with feeling.

_...if you're a good boy I'll give you 2000 yen when you get home._

"…bribery?"

_Ahem. In a way._

"…make it 5000 and you've got a deal."

"_OF COURSE I'M GONNA KILL THAT PUNK AND NOTHING YOU DO CAN STOP ME!_" Temari yelled.

_D-Dear…_

"_YOU'VE GOT NO POWER OVER WHAT I DO OR DO NOT DO OR WHO I KILL AND DO NOT KILL!_" she heard a sigh over the phone.

_Temari…I did not want to resort to this, but…_ he paused for dramatic effect.

"You did not want to _what_?"

_…if you kill him I will fire your lawyer and will not bail you out of jail._

"…"

_Furthermore, when you get out and I shall send you into the depths of the Amazon rainforest, where you will wither away in your sorrow, fighting wild beasts to survive._

Temari's breath caught in her throat.

_No more magazines._ _No more makeup. No more lame boys or girls to bully. No Kankuro to tease…and you know I have the money to do it._

_And think of it…you won't be able to get the next volume of **Naruto**._

"**_NO WAY I'VE GOT TO KNOW IF SASUKE GOES TO OROCHIMARU'S SIDE AND IF THAT SUPER-COOL GIRL BEATS UP THAT LAME GUY IN THE CHUUNIN FINALS!!!_**"

_Heh…heh…_

Temari's teeth clenched as she hissed into the phone.

"Fine…_I won't kill him…for now._"

Shikamaru glanced over his shoulder.

_I wonder what they're talking about…_he thought to himself.

TemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXO

Shikamaru looked over at Temari as she dropped something into the basket.

"Why are you getting a Mega-Size bag of "Sour, Cream, 'n Onion" chips?" he asked.

"What I get is none of your business."

"Yes, it is, because I pay for it."

Temari sighed. "_Fiine_. I like them. Got it?"

"But aren't you watching your weight?"

This earned him a hit over the head.

"I'm not going to get fat over some chips," Temari said.

"You might."

**_SMACK._**

"Ow."

TemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXOXOTemaShikaXO

"Do you always wear your hair like that?" Shikamaru said lazily, glancing at his watch. It was still only ten in the morning. He sighed.

"My hair is none of your business," Temari replied, the chips crunching in her mouth.

"She wanted a unique hairstyle, she said," Kankuro said from the front.

"I see." Shikamaru stood up, moved to the seat beside Temari, and said, "Face your back toward me."

"And what the hell are you doing?" Temari asked.

"I'm going to comb your hair."

"Why?" Temari asked, but still moved over.

"I'm bored, that's why." Shikamaru took out the elastic bands and began to work his fingers through her hair.

"Do you ever comb your hair? It's full of tangles."

"Ye—_ow_!"

"That cry of pain is music to my ears," Kankuro said dreamily. "Pay for all the anguish you caused me, hag."

"**KANKUROOO**…"

"Stop." Shikamaru yanked gently on part of her hair. "Don't go about killing the driver."

"Car accidents, Temari," Gaara reminded her. "Leaving him alive for the moment is more favorable for us."

"I feel like I'm being used," Kankuro said.

"You are," Gaara replied, watching what Shikamaru was doing over the top of his book.

"Don't you ever get a headache reading in the car?" Temari asked her brother with annoyance and she fought to keep still.

"No."

"That's amazing."

Shikamaru parted Temari's hair into three parts and began to weave them into a braid.

"…you're pretty good at this, for a boy," Temari said.

"Hn…I do this sometimes for my mom."

"Ah…the one who put the ringtone on your cellphone? And perhaps conspired with your father to get you out of the house so they could go on a romantic getaway?" Kankuro asked.

"What our father did was intelligent," Gaara said. "After all, he does not have to put up with Kankuro's bad driving and Temari's temper."

"You said it," Shikamaru nodded. "But you're pretty lucky that your brother and sister are in awe and perhaps scared of you, and they don't attack or threaten you."

"I suppose." Gaara shrugged.


End file.
